i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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