we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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