hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
