you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize