We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
