Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
