After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
