Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't deserve a penis
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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