Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
