Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
