There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize