Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize