thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
