I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
