Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
