I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
