Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
