Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Every concussion has its silver lining
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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