So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
