The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
