Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
