How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
