i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
