I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
