i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
