You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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