I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
