everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
