I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
