this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
