she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
