I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Success! We fucked roommates!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
