you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
