How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
