thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
