im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
