we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
