so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
