can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize