he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
