Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
