I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
