how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
