K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
