I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
