Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
