I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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