We won't sleep together?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
