I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
