My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
