this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
