It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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