That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
