she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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