so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
