Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I want her autograph on my taint
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Boobs speak an international language.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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