so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
