covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I need to stop coming to work sober
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
