Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
