What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
