When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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