thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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