I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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