Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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