I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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