Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?

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(330): View more from Ohio

when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk

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(501): View more from Arkansas

if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church

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(765): View more from Indiana

Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.

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(573): View more from Missouri

This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket

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(972): View more from Texas

Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL

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