We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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