loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
