It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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