Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
